Confessions of an Addict

Hi, my name is Chris and I am an addict. That's right. The first step in the healing process is admitting you have a problem, right? Well, I do have one. It is a big one too. I find myself thinking about it at least a dozen times an day, longing to be with it and not where I am at the time. I find myself not able to devote any time to myself lest I feel guilty for not spending an ample amount of time on my addiction. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never excel at anything again. Oh sure, I may dabble in things and may even be good at some point, but the drive to truly master something will never be there. It just takes too much time away. For this I blame my addiction. I purposely put things out of my mind that don't pertain to this ever present fixation. At times, I need to have my wife force me to get away, to remove myself from this invisible bind I have and to surrender completely and focus on only me. It seems so utterly foreign to contemplate and even while writing this I am feeling guilty. For you see, my addiction is my family-my wife and kids. I can't seem to get enough, and when I do, I feel horrible that I desire to get away. I once was able to spend hours upon hours focusing on studies, reading, and even athletics but fortunately I have been cursed with the unwavering desire to be "A Family Man"... Wow. This catharsis has helped soothe some of my internal anxiety regarding my problem, but I am going to need everyones' help to force me to take a little time for myself. All work (in this case, family) and no play makes for a dull boy and I must remember that I am expected to be a well balanced, happy and productive member of society, even as I nurse this extremely dark and private addiction...P.S. when is the next FA (Family-aholics Anonymous) meeting? Will there be childcare provided?