Doctors and Sickness do NOT mix...

As I begin to pull myself out from the Black Death that nearly enveloped me over the Christmas holiday, I have come to many a realization. Take for instance, nothing except infomercials are on during the day and all are snake oil salesmen, save one. I am intrigued by the UGlu product. How can they say something is permanent then in the next frame say it easily peels off surfaces? But I digress. I awoke on Christmas Day to be met by racking chills and a fever of 102 degrees, body aches like I haven't felt in ages and a dry hacking cough that with each non-expectoration sent pain throughout my body. I was sure that it must be Ebola and I would be dead in 48 hours (of course, I thought Ebola, I am a doctor.) Let me let you in on a little secret about doctors. We are either the biggest deniers or hypochondriacs. I try to keep myself just in the middle but tend to lean more to the former. Don't ask my wife about this because I shot those estimates out of the water with this doozy of a sickness. Again, I digress. I suffered through waves of chills, headaches, fevers and total body sweats for a full 72 hours before giving in and taking antibiotics. Sparing you the gory details, I will just say that I thought I must have everything from pneumonia to Tsutsugamushi Fever (that's Scrub Typhus for all of my medical friends). I am on the mend but must make a few comments about my time in the Infirmary.

1) I am a total wimp when ill. Unlike my wife who trudges on because stuff has to get done, I suffer in my own way and make everyone else's life miserable. It truly is pitiful.

LESSON: Male doctors make terrible patients. Wives and women with children are the true heros. As a physician, I will take this knowledge and use it when a sick mommy comes to see me. Because when mommy is sick, NOTHING gets done (or a least not done correctly). Antibiotics all around!

2) When you are relegated to the bed, it really isn't all that it is cracked up to be. I used to dream of a day where all I had to do was lay in bed. Careful what you wish for. No position is comfortable, the room takes on a certain funk smell to it, and again, nothing is ever on TV. If it is, your eyeballs or head hurts to much to watch it.

LESSON: A wise Sleep Medicine physician told me in residency "Bedrooms are good for only 2 things. Sleeping and Sex. Nothin' else." Trying to move around more and change scenery is necessary when stuck at home.

3) Having an illness is a great way to lose weight, especially around the holiday season. My pants haven't been this loose in ages. Then again, my face has never been so pale, my cheeks so drawn or my appetite so crappy.

LESSON: Sometimes the way things work out aren't necessarily the way you would have wanted them. Again, see above #2-Careful what you wish for. There may be something to medicinal tapeworms, but again, I digress.

4) During my acute illness, I came very close to saying "Get me to a Doctor!" I never say that. I think because I was feeling vulnerable. Sickness tears away all of the pretense, the pomp and the attitude that people build up and leaves you naked emotionally, open for all to see. Knowing someone is in your corner, watching your back (insert whatever cliche you like) is vitally important.

LESSON: I will not take for granted the trust patients put in me nor will I ignore the fact that patients that feel infirmed should have my empathy and my best medical 'A' game.

You may wonder, "You have been in practice for almost 10 years. Shouldn't you have figured this out already?" You would think so, but I am not lying when I say the last time I was this ill was with the Flu in February 1999. I felt like Walking Death then, and was revisited by this ghoulish specter this past weekend. As a physician, having to be the patient is not a bad idea for some good old fashioned perspective but I highly discourage it. It sucks to be sick...

Christmastime and Tortoise Shells

At work today I got to have the dubious honor of handing out some of the Christmas bonuses to the staff. It was monetary and not cheap like a subscription for the Jelly of the Month club so I was received fairly well. To help with the festive occasion, I donned a very large, very tacky Santa hat. It truly is amazing the feeling that one has when handing out presents. This is what the season is all about-that warm sensation in your gut that is just a fantastic feeling. Oh wait, that's the Eggnog....
Becky is in full party mode. We have the First (and possibly last) Ugly Christmas Sweater Party this weekend. Over 100 people are expected and for the life of me I am not sure how in the hell happened. I didn't think I knew 100 people, let alone invite them to my sanctum sanctorum so they can silently judge me and my house (like I do when I go to parties). Just kidding, but this is the most people we have every had in the house at one time and certainly enough alcohol to soothe the most chapped of Holiday moods. Can't say I am not nervous but it will be good to branch out from my introverted self and suck down a few brews with over 100 of my closest friends.
The kids are on their way to Henderson for the weekend with my folks. Thank God for Mom and Dad stepping up to the plate to help out. Couldn't imagine doing this party with three wee ones around. The pooch is headed to the Spa (aka Vet) for the weekend where she will be far away from our guests' crotches and the the allure of the onion dip. That dog just doesn't have any social graces, bless her little heart....
What I have discovered about planning a party with my wife is that the party takes on a life of it's own. I thought "hey, put out some chips, beer on ice...we got a party". Apparently that is not the way it is done. There are "considerations" to be had, varying from who mixes well with whom, the amount and quality of beverages, the food and the prep/presentation of the food and so forth. This thing went from a small soiree to a major undertaking. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am just amazed with the amount of planning that goes into this. It will be a success-for the simple reason that my wife IS in charge of it. She thrives on this shit. Me? Not so much. The more planning/elaborate the party, the more tortoise like my personality becomes and I shut down. Not sure why, but it does. Oh well, time to break out the Holiday Tortoise shell and prepare for what appears to be a kick ass party. Cheers!

Abby and the Sign

Today was an interesting day. It started with a call from Becky laughing hysterically because Abby had taken a "triple dog dare" from Jack and stuck her naked tongue on a very cold sign. Flailing, crying, bleeding and absolute hilarity ensued because everyone knows how the story goes. Tongue warm, sticky...cold metal, poignant...ouch...A Christmas Story revisited. Either way, Abby is ok, Jack feels bad that he had her do it- lessons learned.
Another full day kept me busy...Good Lord, if the paperwork doesn't end I may shoot someone. I start to get hives just thinking about it. I think it is one of the biggest reasons for my Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. Oh well. Daddy has to bring home the bacon for his little chitlins...
My tar baby patient showed up in the ER with a broken hip. I have put Humpty Dumpty back together so many damned times I just don't know how much more tape and glue he can withstand....
We are supposed to get ice/snow/sleet tonight so not sure whether the kiddos will have school. I love seeing the excitement in their eyes from the possibility that they may be able to play hooky tomorrow. So cute.
Prepping for our "Ugly Christmas Sweater Party" this weekend. Man, this thing has ballooned to over 100 people. I didn't think I knew 100 people...Should be fun as we have spent an ass load on booze and redneck food. Hope the old house can take it...
Well, that is it for today. Boring I know, but deal with it.

Writing and Blogging

December 14th, 2010

This is the first entry in several months. Some of my lack of activity has been because of a nagging carpel tunnel syndrome in my left hand that has plagued me for darn near 10 months now. It truly is a pisser when every time you want to use your dominant hand it falls asleep on you. Wake up!! I got shit to do!! Anyway, most of the reason that I don't blog more is because I think I have the rules down all wrong. I feel like I have to produce an insightful piece each time I do an entry and I can tell you, that ain't gonna happen. I suck at writing. Okay, I said it. I suck at the written word. Always have, always will. I just don't seem to have the ability to expound upon things in a flowery way (another way of saying "bullshitting"). My worst grades in school were in English. I still remember my 7th grade teacher giving me my worst grade I have ever received just because I couldn't diagram a sentence. Really? Does anyone really remember how to diagram a sentence?? Part of the reason I am a doctor is because I didn't want to write papers in medical school. All the tests were multiple choice. No 10 page paper about why I thought the patient had a bleeding disorder or why I felt the need to write for one antibiotic instead of another. Anyway, the whole point is that I have been intimidated by writing for as long as I can remember. I have felt that I needed to put something worthwhile down on the blog for it to be enjoyable to others. But I realized today that if I worry about my verb tense or grammar then I will never write anything. Also, I need to write for me and only me. As therapy...to get all of the crazy shit out of my head and onto something solid that I can deal with and analyze. If I worry that what I write won't make sense then I will never write. What I really want to do is to have a record of my thoughts for that particular day- no holds barred. Like a literary snapshot of what was occurring that day, this will be a time capsule for the future. Who knows, maybe the more I write, the better I will become....nahhhhh. Won't happen.