Writing and Blogging

December 14th, 2010

This is the first entry in several months. Some of my lack of activity has been because of a nagging carpel tunnel syndrome in my left hand that has plagued me for darn near 10 months now. It truly is a pisser when every time you want to use your dominant hand it falls asleep on you. Wake up!! I got shit to do!! Anyway, most of the reason that I don't blog more is because I think I have the rules down all wrong. I feel like I have to produce an insightful piece each time I do an entry and I can tell you, that ain't gonna happen. I suck at writing. Okay, I said it. I suck at the written word. Always have, always will. I just don't seem to have the ability to expound upon things in a flowery way (another way of saying "bullshitting"). My worst grades in school were in English. I still remember my 7th grade teacher giving me my worst grade I have ever received just because I couldn't diagram a sentence. Really? Does anyone really remember how to diagram a sentence?? Part of the reason I am a doctor is because I didn't want to write papers in medical school. All the tests were multiple choice. No 10 page paper about why I thought the patient had a bleeding disorder or why I felt the need to write for one antibiotic instead of another. Anyway, the whole point is that I have been intimidated by writing for as long as I can remember. I have felt that I needed to put something worthwhile down on the blog for it to be enjoyable to others. But I realized today that if I worry about my verb tense or grammar then I will never write anything. Also, I need to write for me and only me. As therapy...to get all of the crazy shit out of my head and onto something solid that I can deal with and analyze. If I worry that what I write won't make sense then I will never write. What I really want to do is to have a record of my thoughts for that particular day- no holds barred. Like a literary snapshot of what was occurring that day, this will be a time capsule for the future. Who knows, maybe the more I write, the better I will become....nahhhhh. Won't happen.